in just three days i will be taking the biggest, hardest test of my life, aka the NCLEX.
breathe in, breathe out.
"hello, nclex. i really hope we can be friends!" (shake hands, give the NCLEX a warm cup of coffee, a fresh pastry, a warm blanket, a crackling fire, anything anything anything that will promote friendship)
breathe in, breathe out.
but really seriously, NCLEX, what would you like? i can share with you random facts about the renal system or different classifications for antihypertensive drugs...or perhaps you're more interested in details about labor and delivery or why infants receive a Vitamin K injection after birth?
no fear, no worry. why? because my God is bigger than the NCLEX. He's written me so many verses on the topic of fear and anxiety, so many beautiful truths that i want to permeate my thoughts with as i face this 75 to 265 question test.
i want to be flooded with peace during this possibly-6-hour-long test. i will not worry what the future holds, because i know Who holds the future.
thanksgiving & prayer --> peace. (phil. 4:6-7)
Jesus, this test is Yours. It's in Your hands, Your capable hands. And I'm in Your hands too. That's a peaceful thought!
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Saturday, September 22, 2012
beginnings
i'm at viento y agua right now, studying for the nclex. i got a medium iced coffee with a shot of caramel syrup for here, which means it comes in a cute glass jar. the little ice cube squares tinkle against the sides of the jar and a generous splash of half-and-half makes such a lovely picture.
this crazy love for coffee got me thinking about where it started.
when i was little, we spent a lot of time with our good friend mrs. kelley. she would cut our hair, teach us how to feed dogs biscuits and not be afraid of them, let me eat grapefruit with sugar, learn how to dissect animals in 2nd grade and peel skin off a frog, ride horses, watch 'where the red fern grows,' and see puppies be born, among a myriad of lovely childhood memories. she also introduced me to my love for all things kiwi-jam-related. the first time i ate kiwi jam at her house, i loved it so incredibly much that i literally licked a drop off the table (it may have been my plate, but i think it was the table). i was reprimanded for that, but i also got to take home a jar of jam. instant love.
well, i think she is where my obsession for coffee began (did i just say obsession? um yes, it's true). she would always have a cup of coffee near her. i remember it being in a white mug with that creamy look of deliciousness from the milk or cream she would add to it. and her breath always smelled so sweetly and distinctly of coffee. that may be weird, but i absolutely adore coffee breath.
and now i love coffee.
and she bakes and cooks all the time. i think that rubbed off on me too, but that's another story.
thank you, mrs. kelley.
this crazy love for coffee got me thinking about where it started.
when i was little, we spent a lot of time with our good friend mrs. kelley. she would cut our hair, teach us how to feed dogs biscuits and not be afraid of them, let me eat grapefruit with sugar, learn how to dissect animals in 2nd grade and peel skin off a frog, ride horses, watch 'where the red fern grows,' and see puppies be born, among a myriad of lovely childhood memories. she also introduced me to my love for all things kiwi-jam-related. the first time i ate kiwi jam at her house, i loved it so incredibly much that i literally licked a drop off the table (it may have been my plate, but i think it was the table). i was reprimanded for that, but i also got to take home a jar of jam. instant love.
well, i think she is where my obsession for coffee began (did i just say obsession? um yes, it's true). she would always have a cup of coffee near her. i remember it being in a white mug with that creamy look of deliciousness from the milk or cream she would add to it. and her breath always smelled so sweetly and distinctly of coffee. that may be weird, but i absolutely adore coffee breath.
and now i love coffee.
and she bakes and cooks all the time. i think that rubbed off on me too, but that's another story.
thank you, mrs. kelley.
Saturday, September 8, 2012
the wedding ring of faith
Martin Luther, must you be so cool??
Just read what he said:
By the wedding ring of faith, [Christ, the bridegroom] shares in the sins, death, and pains of hell which are his bride’s. As a matter of fact, he makes them his own and acts as if they were his own and as if he himself had sinned; he suffered, died, and descended into hell that he might overcome them all.
How cool to think of faith being our wedding ring to Christ!
Here this rich and divine bridegroom Christ marries this poor, wicked harlot, redeems her from all her evil, and adorns her with all his goodness. Her sins cannot now destroy her, since they are laid upon Christ and swallowed up by him. And she has that righteousness in Christ, her husband, of which she may boast as of her own and which she can confidently display alongside her sins in the face of death and hell and say, “If I have sinned, yet my Christ, in whom I believe, has not sinned, and all his is mine and all mine is his,” as the bride in the Song of Solomon [2:16] says, “My beloved is mine and I am his.”
Jesus, I love You. I am Yours and You are mine.
Thank You, thank You, thank You!
Just read what he said:
By the wedding ring of faith, [Christ, the bridegroom] shares in the sins, death, and pains of hell which are his bride’s. As a matter of fact, he makes them his own and acts as if they were his own and as if he himself had sinned; he suffered, died, and descended into hell that he might overcome them all.
How cool to think of faith being our wedding ring to Christ!
Here this rich and divine bridegroom Christ marries this poor, wicked harlot, redeems her from all her evil, and adorns her with all his goodness. Her sins cannot now destroy her, since they are laid upon Christ and swallowed up by him. And she has that righteousness in Christ, her husband, of which she may boast as of her own and which she can confidently display alongside her sins in the face of death and hell and say, “If I have sinned, yet my Christ, in whom I believe, has not sinned, and all his is mine and all mine is his,” as the bride in the Song of Solomon [2:16] says, “My beloved is mine and I am his.”
Jesus, I love You. I am Yours and You are mine.
Thank You, thank You, thank You!
Monday, September 3, 2012
rejoicing in the moment
there are so many new puzzle pieces in life right now!
new roommates, no school, studying for the NCLEX, teaching new sign language classes, different involvement in ministry, pretty open days, seeing the boyfriend once a week, spending time in new coffee shops, studying on the couch, hanging out with friends.
this morning i met with the sweet woman who is discipling me, and she encouraged me to love and enjoy every moment of the season of life that i'm in now.
i want to do that. i want to rejoice in the Lord in every one of these circumstances.
and i realized i can enjoy all of this, i can revel in every moment, i can experience all of this change and newness all at once. it doesn't have to be compartmentalized. i think it might make my mind explode, but i want to experience every new moment with open eyes and an eager heart.
this is exciting.
"...Now I declare new things..." Isaiah 42:9
new roommates, no school, studying for the NCLEX, teaching new sign language classes, different involvement in ministry, pretty open days, seeing the boyfriend once a week, spending time in new coffee shops, studying on the couch, hanging out with friends.
this morning i met with the sweet woman who is discipling me, and she encouraged me to love and enjoy every moment of the season of life that i'm in now.
i want to do that. i want to rejoice in the Lord in every one of these circumstances.
and i realized i can enjoy all of this, i can revel in every moment, i can experience all of this change and newness all at once. it doesn't have to be compartmentalized. i think it might make my mind explode, but i want to experience every new moment with open eyes and an eager heart.
this is exciting.
"...Now I declare new things..." Isaiah 42:9
Friday, August 24, 2012
Ready, Set...Go?
I was so ready this morning to start doing something that requires lots of time and energy and focus... the opposite of where I felt I was (discontent that I had nothing to do and all around me people had stuff going on). I wanted to start my job at the hospital so that I would have something to be busy with (even then, I don't want to be busy with nursing just to be 'busy').
That time will come soon enough.
Right now is a time to wait on the Lord. He's called me to soak up His presence. I have practically nothing but intense NCLEX studying until November. My mornings can be spent in His Word with almost no time constraints.
My calling right now: draw closer to Jesus.
(Oh, and study a mountain of nursing books)
That time will come soon enough.
Right now is a time to wait on the Lord. He's called me to soak up His presence. I have practically nothing but intense NCLEX studying until November. My mornings can be spent in His Word with almost no time constraints.
My calling right now: draw closer to Jesus.
(Oh, and study a mountain of nursing books)
Monday, August 20, 2012
Disappointments
Someone once said, "Disappointments are God's way of saying, 'I have something better for you.'"
Perhaps.
But for me, disappointments are far more than just that. They are somewhat of an alarm, a call for me to evaluate myself.
-Who or what am I trusting in?
I need to constantly rely on my God who is working all things for His glory and my good.
Proverbs 16:9 - The mind of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.
The Lord directs my steps for that very purpose described above!
God's plans are infinitely better than mine are.
I want His ways over what I could humanly dream up or desire.
Isaiah 55:8-9 - "For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways," declares the Lord. "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts."
I need to trust Him for what He has planned tomorrow, five days from now, and ten years in the future.
-Then, am I choosing to glorify God in this situation?
I need to not complain and instead be content with present circumstances.
-Look at the good in what happened.
Maybe I was able to spend more time with people I love. Maybe I was able to rest.
-Look for the lessons God wanted to teach me.
By going through the steps listed above!
Take them to heart, allow God to change me, be moldable clay in the hand of the Potter.
He is my God, and I will trust Him no matter what happens.
Perhaps.
But for me, disappointments are far more than just that. They are somewhat of an alarm, a call for me to evaluate myself.
-Who or what am I trusting in?
I need to constantly rely on my God who is working all things for His glory and my good.
Proverbs 16:9 - The mind of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.
The Lord directs my steps for that very purpose described above!
God's plans are infinitely better than mine are.
I want His ways over what I could humanly dream up or desire.
Isaiah 55:8-9 - "For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways," declares the Lord. "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts."
I need to trust Him for what He has planned tomorrow, five days from now, and ten years in the future.
-Then, am I choosing to glorify God in this situation?
I need to not complain and instead be content with present circumstances.
-Look at the good in what happened.
Maybe I was able to spend more time with people I love. Maybe I was able to rest.
-Look for the lessons God wanted to teach me.
By going through the steps listed above!
Take them to heart, allow God to change me, be moldable clay in the hand of the Potter.
He is my God, and I will trust Him no matter what happens.
Isaiah 62
Today (8/14/12) is Isaiah 62.
For Zion's sake I will not keep silent,
And for Jerusalem's sake I will not keep quiet,
Until her righteousness goes forth like brightness,
And her salvation like a torch that is burning.
I picture the Lord saying that He will not be silent, that He will not give up on me, until I get to the point where He has begun the good work He began in me and righteousness and salvation are perfected. [Jesus, even when my heart is so distraught and not eager to learn, would You please continue to speak to me, to pour into me and not be silent? I want to learn more of You, Jesus!] He loves me enough to shout and call out and whisper and encourage me as He makes me more into the person He designed me to be. At coffee with a friend this morning, she mentioned how she loves that God never gives up on doing the things that are His absolute best for us; He never makes mistakes. (And I just met this girl this morning - what a treasure she is!) Another friend posted this quote on her blog this morning that was something Lila Trotman once said: "Pray that God will make you a woman of His, no matter the cost." [God, no matter what the cost, would You make me into a woman after Your own heart? That's who I want to become! If this situation right now is what You need to make me more like You, then I accept it.]
God speaks of Zion as being "a crown of beauty in the hand of the Lord, and a royal diadem in the hand of your God" (verse 3). [Lord, You treasure me this much? Wow!]
It will no longer be said to you, "Forsaken,"
Nor to your land will it any longer be said, "Desolate";
But you will be called, "My delight is in her,"
And your land, "Married";
For the Lord delights in you,
And to Him your land will be married. (verse 4)
So comforting. Thank You, Lord, for the encouragements!
For Zion's sake I will not keep silent,
And for Jerusalem's sake I will not keep quiet,
Until her righteousness goes forth like brightness,
And her salvation like a torch that is burning.
I picture the Lord saying that He will not be silent, that He will not give up on me, until I get to the point where He has begun the good work He began in me and righteousness and salvation are perfected. [Jesus, even when my heart is so distraught and not eager to learn, would You please continue to speak to me, to pour into me and not be silent? I want to learn more of You, Jesus!] He loves me enough to shout and call out and whisper and encourage me as He makes me more into the person He designed me to be. At coffee with a friend this morning, she mentioned how she loves that God never gives up on doing the things that are His absolute best for us; He never makes mistakes. (And I just met this girl this morning - what a treasure she is!) Another friend posted this quote on her blog this morning that was something Lila Trotman once said: "Pray that God will make you a woman of His, no matter the cost." [God, no matter what the cost, would You make me into a woman after Your own heart? That's who I want to become! If this situation right now is what You need to make me more like You, then I accept it.]
God speaks of Zion as being "a crown of beauty in the hand of the Lord, and a royal diadem in the hand of your God" (verse 3). [Lord, You treasure me this much? Wow!]
It will no longer be said to you, "Forsaken,"
Nor to your land will it any longer be said, "Desolate";
But you will be called, "My delight is in her,"
And your land, "Married";
For the Lord delights in you,
And to Him your land will be married. (verse 4)
So comforting. Thank You, Lord, for the encouragements!
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