well, if i WERE to write a blog, this is probably where i'd begin

The way this summer is laid out was not my ideal summer.  If I could create the perfect summer it would not involve school or having my boyfriend be 8 hours away.  It would not have a nursing research class that’s 4 hours twice a week and makes pretty much no sense.  It would not have 2 ½ months of not spending time with the aforementioned guy.  It would not have 12-hour nursing shifts that start at 7:00 a.m.  It would not have coffee pots randomly going off at 1:00 a.m. instead of 6:00 a.m. when I need my coffee.  It would not have a girl who’s discontent.

And that’s what it comes down to.  Am I content with these circumstances, am I joyful with where God has me, and do I trust His guidance over these 100 days of summer?  That’s where I want my heart to be and that’s what I’m striving for.  This is the beginning of that journey.

Back in January, I chose a word for the year, and ironically (actually, more like God-knew-I’d-need-this), my word was “trust.”  I figured that since there would be so many life-changes this year, I’d need to practice trusting God.  As this year set off, little did I know how much more I’d need to learn to trust God; I thought I had it down pretty well, but I don’t.  All semester long, He gave me little treasures of Scripture or tidbits of knowledge through Bible studies, sermons, or songs that were all related to trusting God.  I started compiling them into a flowchart, or as we nursing students call them, “concept maps.”  (I’m such a nursing nerd.)  These lessons have been a sort of foundation for the path of trusting God that this summer holds.

Barely three weeks into summer and I already have a million things to add to the Trust concept map.  I am so amazed at how God reveals lessons and truths to me right when I need them.  And He doesn’t stop with just one amazing Scripture.  He gives me several to meditate on and revel in.

I want this summer exactly as it’s unfolding.  I know this is God’s plan, and deep down I want His will for this summer, rather than some cheap plan I could think up instead.  I know that His will is what is best for me.  He is using all these circumstances for my good (Romans 8:28).  He also does exceedingly, abundantly above all that I ask or think.  I am not able to comprehend how He’s doing it, but I know He is.  I am not able to understand the ‘why,’ but I know He does.

I know that God has so many sweet lessons to teach me during this time that would probably not be possible if I were in different circumstances.  I want to learn these lessons, I want to soak them deep into the recesses of my heart, and I want to be changed as a result of this summer. 

He’s teaching me to love Him above all else and to put Him first in my life.  He’s teaching me what it means to be wholeheartedly abandoned to Him and to follow after Him without hesitation.  He’s teaching me to trust Him with my future; my having ‘control’ over anything is really just an illusion.  He’s teaching me contentment in all circumstances.  (Stay tuned for more lessons to come…)  Backing up all of these lessons are some of the most applicable and relevant Scriptures God’s ever shown me in my times with Him (Hosea 11:12, 14:8-9; Isaiah 30:18, to name a recent few).  What sweet, precious truths.

And that’s just it.  I mentally know all these truths.  They are there, embedded in the neurons of my brain.  But I want to apply them in my heart.  As someone once said, the twelve inches from your head to your heart is one of the farthest distances to travel.  This is the journey I’m on this summer, hand-in-hand with Jesus, and I’m excited for where we’re going to travel together.